Going back to how Things were
by Happyness
Summary: So, here’s Jack and Sam, set after the events of Beneath the Surface, and they’re both pondering the fact whether they can ever go back to how things were.
1. Going back to how Things were

Going back to how Things were. 

_Disclaimer__: Nope, not mine. And to be honest this is far too sappy to be really MGM's. _

_Rating: __Surprise, surprise. I think this kinda is a tiny R..Yeah, it shocked me too. Oh well, I blame the late hour and my guttered mind. Amen. _

_Paring__: Well, dúh. S/J of course._

_Summary__: Post ep, Beneath the Surface. I know this has been done a million times before. But I just needed to add my own personal take on it. So here's Jack and Sam, set after the events of __Beneath the Surface__, and they're both pondering the fact whether they can ever go back to how things were. _

_A/N__: Yeah I know, I was in the mood for this. Don't ask me why. Sometimes I just can't find any good fic online and I tend to write some of my own ideas down. Although I've been quite inspirationless (And yes, I just made that word up) these past couple of weeks, I had to put my mind on something else. Since I'm also writing this other fic which is called; We're Okay Now, Right? And to be honest, I couldn't think of a good next chapter 4. I'd like written 5 different scenario's, none of which I liked. So all of a sudden I started writing this to keep my mind off that other fic. And now this one's also turning into a follow up.. and crap.. I just know I will run out of ideas for this one too.. anyway. I didn't really check it for spell or gram mistakes, cause right now I'm far too tired, hehe, I'll check it out soon though! Don't you worry and for now.. erhm.. well.. Enjoy!_

* * *

"I should go." 

Her words lingered in the electrifying atmosphere. The tension building with every second she remained. Her mind telling her to leave, her will protesting vehemently. She should go. It was the most rational thing to do and although her eyes betrayed her real feelings. She knew she couldn't stay. Yet she didn't move, made no effort to leave the room. Neither did he.

Their stares intensified. Mesmerized by the forbidden lines their gazes crossed.

"You should."

Confused she considered his words.

"What?"

"Go. You should go."

She dropped her gaze. Once again realizing they were travelling a dangerous path. Walking a fine line that had better be left alone.

"Ther-Carter."

Her eyes shot back to his. The tension building once again as he'd almost spoken the name that defied most of her recent feelings of desperation. Thera. Overall she considered it to be a foreign name, one she had never heard before, yet didn't sound uncommon. It had been a simple name, one she had easily gotten used to. Never having known better either. Jonah. His name, the one that defined most of his secrets and hidden desires as well.

Those two people lay behind them now, buried underneath more memories of regret and unvoiced thoughts. But Thera and Jonah had had that brief glimpse of what could have been. What it should have been like between Sam and Jack. But could never be, because of Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter.

She turned around. Easing her mind's screams, she headed for the door. Grasping the doorknob with a quivering hand, knowing that if she left and shut the door behind her, Thera and Jonah would be forever gone, replaced by the fearless Colonel and his faithful 2IC. She wasn't sure she could do that. Act as though things between them hadn't changed, when in fact they had. They had changed more than she could have ever imagined.

* * *

"_What are you laughing at?" _

_Jonah mockingly looked up at the source of his annoyance. Never had someone challenged his capabilities as this Thera person had done. And the fact that he didn't feel the least bit intimidated by her, worried him. _

_She'd gotten him to loosen up more than any person he could recall had ever managed to do. And all she had done to get him that far was smile. That radiant smile that lit up her face and made her eyes glisten in the dim orange lights that usually cast frightening shadows over the underground facility. _

"_Nothing." She answered him, half suppressing her giggles. But her eyes gave her away._

"_I thought I told you not to giggle." He seriously stated, barely containing his own smile as he saw her eyes grow wider with joy. She then roughly shoved his arm aside, causing him to stumble backwards and hit the iron wall behind him. _

"_You know that actually hurt." Rubbing his lower back he playfully caught her arm with his other hand and unintentionally took a step closer. Invading private space, he wasn't even conscience of invading as he pined her against the same wall she'd pushed him into, mere seconds before._

"_I can't say I'm sorry__, you deserved it mister." She breathed in his face, a playful smile still graced her lips as he suddenly noticed how close their faces actually were and if on queue, Thera's face also lost its radiant smile and got replaced by eyes that shown of awareness, anticipation and the slightest bit of… fear? _

_He guessed his eyes reflected no different, and although they both knew they shouldn't be entering territory they knew nothing about. He didn't care anymore. However wrong it was he couldn't deny how good it actually felt. _

_He softly touched his head with her forehead, looking down at her serious eyes as they remained questionably fixed upon his. _

"_Jonah?" She softly breathed. He knew she had doubts about this. Although having admitted feeling,…. feelings for her. They still didn't know who they actually were, for all they knew they could be brother and sister. He had considered the possibility before, knew it was possible, but his gut was telling him she couldn't be related to him, it was impossible. Yet, another feeling screamed at him something was wrong. Reminding him of a line. An invisible line, he should not cross when it came down to Thera. A feeling that told him she was off limits to him, unreachable, untouchable. Not for him. _

_She closed her eyes. He knew she was struggling with the same emotions, the same line that prevented them from going any further. She had told him about it, yet in this instant she didn't move away from him either. Neither wanted to move away, as though the forbidden nearness caused their desires to increase. _

"_Thera?" _

_She opened her eyes, still so close, but not moving away from his grip. _

_He felt his desire intensify and in that moment he didn't care anymore. Although the line remained it did not seem as import as it once had. Or as he had once remembered it had. He wasn't sure which statement was right, but if he couldn't remember who he was, did it really matter what they used to be? Off limit or not, did it really matter when they had the here and now? _

"_This is wrong." She softly whispered as his face drew even closer, his lips only millimetres away from hers. _

"_I know." Was his only answer before he closed the gap between them. Feeling her resolve budge the moment their lips met. At first slow and exploring, he tested her boundaries. But she gave in quickly and sighed slightly as his hands forced her closer to him, intensifying the kiss and deepening his desire at the same time. _

_His hands travelled her spin, up to her neck and finally cupped her cheeks in a way he knew he had never touched her before. How he knew he couldn't tell, but an image of her in his arms on a whole different occasion suddenly sprang to life in his mind and he abruptly stopped his exploring. Reluctantly he pulled his lips away from hers, as the memory of the line reintegrated itself in his mind full force and he slowly let go of her, noting how she tried to conceal the confusion and desire that shyly played over her features. _

"_Don't do that." He told her. But she had already taken a step backwards, doing her best to conceal the remaining emotions that swiftly slid across her face. Confusion, desire, embarrassment, lust but most of all fear and realization seeped across her features, before her eyes went blank, and he knew in that instant that an invisible mask had been pulled back into place. A mask that had always been there. How he knew this, he didn't know, but the blankness in her eyes looked familiar. It told him she was off limits, untouchable, not his to take._

_

* * *

_

"Carter!"

Her hand stilled on the doorknob. Quivering slightly as she felt his approach. How could she feel this weak and pathetic? It wasn't like her at all. No, Samantha Carter was not dependable, she'd never been dependable, not when she was a child and not when she became a Captain in the US air force, not ever. Yet, her body was telling her things her mind refused to believe and as a real scientist she couldn't ignore the evidence at hand.

She still wanted what she couldn't have.

"Sir, please." She whispered, her breath cascading with the wooden door and she felt how it bounced back and chilled her face.

But he didn't listen, and covered his hand over hers to prevent her from leaving Thera and Jonah behind.

"We need to talk about this."

"What is there to talk about, 'sir'?" She empathised the word 'sir' in hopes he would back off and remember his place. But the statement only seemed to intensify his actions and he roughly turned her to face him. Trapped between the door and him she could only look up into the daunting brown eyes that once had revealed so much more than a now guarded expression she knew lay reflected in hers as well.

* * *

"_We can't… Jonah, it's wrong." _

"_Why!?" He let out a frustrated cry. _

"_For all we know, we're related. maybe I'm married, hell maybe you are. This is not right. We shouldn't mess with something we know nothing about, the consequences could be disastrous, none reversible, or impossible to live with. It's better for… _

"_Carter!" _

_Her eyes widened and she immediately clamped her mouth shut. Giving him a penetrating almost anguish look. Silence surrounded them and she saw how realization suddenly dawned on to him too as the atmosphere remained pensive. _

_She had been aware of the fact that for some time now he had been the only one who had regained more memories of his time before working in the mines__ than she or Karlan had. And although flashes of a blue velvet light and uniformed people continued to pop up in her dreams she hadn't had any evidence or memory of knowing Jonah before they got transferred from the mines to the facility in which they now worked side by side. _

_Apparently he'd just provided her with one of his memories. A name. Possibly hers. Carter. However familiar the word sounded, it aroused coldness within her. It sounded formal, unemotional and almost reinforced her suspicious of a line, the line, she shouldn't cross. _

"_Is that my name?" She asked, half hoping for confirmation yet feeling sadness at the same time. _

"_I don't know." He sighed. "Does it make a difference anyway?" _

"_Means we knew each other before the mines." _

"_I thought we already agreed on that part." _

_She nodded, dropping her head to the ground. Who was she kidding anyway? She had known Jonah before the mines, she knew it. She could feel it. Precisely how she just knew that Karlan had been a part of her life too. Yet, her relationship with him seemed to be less complicated. More natural. While with Jonah there remained a sensation of unvoiced feelings, longed closeness and forever remaining distance. _

_Invading her private space for a second time, he laced his fingers with hers and pulled her closer. Any traces of resistance left her mind as soon as his arms found a way around her middle and his mouth softly touched the side of her face. It felt good, she had to admit. She'd felt lonely for a long time, and just having Jonah hold her, forbidden or not, felt comforting. _

"_You confuse the hell out of me, sir."_

_She absentmindedly threw at him, unsure why once again she had called him sir. _

_His hold on her tightened, drawing her more closer to him. His lips trailed the side of her face, and he placed soft kisses along her throat and collarbone. His hands roaming free over her body once again. And she let him. Reconsidering her resolutions and shutting out all sensible reasons for why they shouldn't be doing this. In fact she didn't know why. And part of her had never really known why something that felt so good could be so very wrong. _

_His lips found hers again and she eagerly answered his desire. Their passion increased by the minute and the protesting screams in her head subsided and turned into small unimportant cries that once held meaning to her, but not now. Not even when he lowered her to the ground. Not even when she let her own hands explore the flesh that lay beneath the ragged working cloths they had been given. And not even when he covered his hand over her mouth to muffle the cries that had slipped past her lips when he took her to oblivion. _

_

* * *

_

"You know damn well what, Major!"

He stared her down, but so did she. Not feeling intimidated by his closeness. She couldn't let herself feel intimidated by it. Off limits. Untouchable, not for her to take or feel. Forbidden. That was what they were.

Regulations.

She remembered now, and she knew why they once had been so important. Crossing the line, meant breaking the rules, and breaking the rules meant reassignment and a possible court martial. And she could not handle not being a part of SG-1 anymore. They were her family, in more than one way.

Fortunately General Hammond had stamped their situation as an 'under the influence of alien technology' case. But she knew he'd had his doubts when the Colonel had informed him of their inappropriately increasing feelings. Of course he'd left out the part in which they had actually acted upon those inappropriate feelings.

But Hammond wasn't a shallow man, she knew he'd sensed the tension between herself and her CO at the debriefing after the whole team had regained most of their memories back. And so it had surprised her, he hadn't vouched for reassignment right afterwards.

His other hand moved to the door and captured her face in a prison like pose. In which his arms had framed her face against the door and himself. But her determination did not waver and their stares continued. Masked by anger and sadness.

His face moved even closer, keeping perfect focus awaiting her reply. And she knew he was hoping for her to break under his glare, to give into the inevitable thoughts she had wanted to voice ever since their memories had forced them back to not crossing the line again.

Finally she sighed and looked away. Knowing it was futile to put off the inevitable.

"What do you want me to say? Tell you I take everything back, I didn't mean it. And was just looking for some meaningless comfort that meant nothing in the long run? I can tell you that if you want to hear it. So we can go back to CO and 2IC again, like nothing ever happened, no regrets, no hidden grudges, no nothing. We could--"

"Carter!"

She fell silent. Knowing that she had been rambling avoiding the real subject at hand. Could they go back to how things were before?

"Can we go back, Jack?" She used his name. It felt foreign and more personal, but wrong. Oh so wrong.

The question left his eyes blank and finally he released his prison like hold on her. Instead his hand came up and cupped her cheek. A gesture he had familiarized himself with while he'd still been Jonah and she'd still been Thera, curled up against him after a long days work and feeling satisfied when his arms sneaked around her.

Not anymore.

"You shouldn't." She warned him, both knowing what she meant. But he didn't let go.

"Do you want to go back?"

"Do we have a choice?" She retorted, knowing the answer was simple yet their feelings complicated things. Why had she crossed that stupid line in the first place? She had been so careful. Weeks she had avoided her feelings for Jonah, and after that it had taken days for them to finally admit that they couldn't stand the lingering tension any longer. Had they remembered in time, the situation in which she found herself now could have been avoided.

Now she doubted they could ever really go back.

"I'd like to think we have."

She nodded and looked down. Sadness swallowing her whole as she pushed away his hand. She'd made her decision. It was the right thing to do, and although it tore at her more than any decision she had ever made before, it had to be done. They had crossed the line, now they had to pay the price, face up to the consequences. And move on.

"I should go."

And she did.

* * *

TBC? You tell me!


	2. Living up to reality

Chapter 2: Living up to reality 

Disclaimer: Mine? HAHAHA, you're funny. Do you really think I own them if I write a story about them? Seriously would MGM be so mad if I didn't put this thing up? I mean this is so obviously my work and not MGM's and although I'd very much like to steal the characters and claim them as my own, I can't. Cause although I'm screwing with their minds and bending them to my will. They're still MGM's and that fact alone sucks. Oh, and I get no money for doing this either. So, chill out MGM.

A/H: Sooo, sorry this one took me forever to put up. I've actually had this chapter rotting away on my hard drive for over a week. I simply haven't had time to update it. School's been hectic and well I wouldn't call it fun. But it's okay, I guess. Gives me something to do other than freaking out all over the place, because I simply don't know what I want to study after i'm done with this school. And basically I'm screwed. Maybe I should become a writer… I'd love to write fantasy books! Although I'm probably not good enough, so there goes that idea out the window. --Sigh-- Anyway, here I present to you…---Drum Ruffle-- Chapter 2!!! Enjoy it! Cause my next update is probably gonna take a while.

* * *

"_Thera."__ He softly whispered, slowly brushing a few strands of blonde hair from her face._

_The only answer her body gave was a slight stir against his chest but her e__yes remained closed, her features relaxed and unguarded. No worries clouded her face, none whatsoever. And he decided that a few more moments of sleep probably wouldn't cause the devil to arise and claim them as his sinners. He watched her sleeping form with a feeling of intense satisfaction. _

_Had he ever shared such a moment with her like this before? In which she__'d had no knowledge of him just watching her?_

_He'd like to think he had. Mesmerized by how all her worries and cares seemed to have just disappeared as she lay huddled against him. One arm draped across his chest the other raised above her head where her fingers lay twined with his. _

_Just a few more moments and he would have to wake her up. _

_He already regretted the act. But that was what they had agreed upon. Knowing that if Brenna found out about what they really were doing in the darkest corners of the facility, one of them would probably get transferred back to the mines. _

_It was funny really. Although he was starting to remember more about his life before the mines, with each passing day. Images, words, moments, feelings. They all seemed to tell him that what Thera and he were doing was out of line, not permitted. And Brenna only seemed to enhance that feeling of forbiddances. As though she knew something was going on, but didn't have proof that could back up her theory. Then again, he and Thera had been very careful. Not once had they been caught or seen together in more than a professional manner. But that was what they had agreed upon. _

_They all knew the rules and although being romantically involved with another worker wasn't forbidden, they needed permission. Getting permission wasn't easy and if you didn't get it a transfer would be put into motion, separating said couple. He'd discussed the option with_

_Thera, and they'd both agreed that secrecy was the best option in their case. And so it had been for the past couple of weeks now. _

_A low mumble suddenly left Thera's lips and she stirred against him a second time. Only this time her eyes opened of its own accord. Gazing straight into his watchful stare. _

"_Hey."_

"_Back at ya."_

_He smiled, threading his fingers through her hair again. Earning him another soft satisfied mumble as she closed her eyes, blinked and re-opened them. _

_He knew she realized it was time to wake up and go back to the side of the facility that was set off with bunks that were to be considered beds, their beds. He supposed luxury could have been described differently, but then again he shouldn't be complaining, it was not like he had known any different either, had he? He wasn't sure, the only thing he knew was that at some point in his life he must have known what luxury had been. Just like he knew Homer had played an important part in helping him relax. Whomever the hell Homer was anyway. _

_He sighed, earning him a questioning look from Thera._

_Oh, well at least they slept near each other, that was the only comfort he had of making sure nothing could happen to her.__ Although she undoubtedly loathed the fact that he was being so overly protective of her. But he had seen the scum that walked around the plant. He had seen things happen no one ever mentioned to Brenna. And if he wanted to keep his position he'd also better keep his mouth shut about those happenings, not that he liked it one bit, but he had Thera to consider and although she was one hell of a tough cookie, she was also considered weaker than those bulldozers whom biased around the plant all day long, grunting incoherent words and looking like hit men's. Then again he supposed their brains to be very tiny. _

"_We have __to go." _

"_I know." He smiled. But neither of them moved. _

_Instead Thera let her fingers travel up his face and touched the lines that spoke of stories unravelled and unremembered. _

_He caught her fingers and playfully held them up, his own fingers travelling the side of her arm, and stopped at her shoulder blade, where is got replaced by his lips and he softly brushed her flesh, earning him a light shiver from Thera._

"_Jonah, we have to go__." She repeated, her frustrated sigh didn't go unnoticed and he made no effort to stop his teasing exploration. He knew she would let him continue for a few more minutes. Putting off the inevitable. _

_Yes, Thera was good at doing just that, belaying the inevitable. But he also knew that the inevitable was called the inevitable because belaying it was all that could be done about it. __And therefore he gradually let her go, giving her time to change back into the grim working cloths, they all but showered in. _

_He did the same, knowing he sh__ould go back too, however reluctant he felt about that. He knew Karlan was having some concerning suspicions about Jonah's motives for leaving the dorm every night. And somehow the guy always exactly knew when he and Thera returned. Still he hadn't reported their little late night outings, to Brenna, which in his book meant that Karlan could be trusted._

_Picking up his discharged __sweater he pulled it over his head in one swift movement. _

"_What?" _

_He asked, as he caught Thera's eyes the moment his head reappeared and he started readjusting the cap on his head that had come with the outfit. When had he actually received the outfit?_

"_Nothing." She shook her head and broke her gaze away from his. But he had caught the changing glow in her features. And turned her face back, his fingers lingering on her chin. _

"_What?" He repeated his question. And this time her face broke into a smile and she slowly rested her head against his, in a now familiarized way. _

"_It's silly really." She told him, nervously looking at the space between his shoulder and neck. _

"_Silly? You? That's unimaginable!" _

"_Hey! I can be silly." She insultingly pulled her head from his and stared him down with a penetrating look that told him she only half meant the seriousness in which she had spoken. _

"_Of course you can." And before she could reply to his humorous sarcastic answer, he pulled her closer, his lips against her ear, whispering soft words that caused her to shiver a second time and close her eyes._

_His__ lips hovered closer to hers, and before he could bring in a protesting; 'we really should be going now'. She'd already closed the lingering gap between their mouths and was teasingly exploring the outer lines of his lips with the tip of her tongue. _

"_Thera." He groaned. The sound muffled by their closeness. He did not favour the idea of pulling back and putting a stop to whatever they were intend on doing a second time that evening. But knowing that everyone was due for breakfast without the next hour, he pulled away._

"_Spoil sport." She sighed as he kept her at arms length._

_He laughed at the irony of the situation. Were it not for Brenna he wouldn't have cared about the rules, Thera had set for them. But in fact they made sense. And although he'd rather spend the whole night with her and wake up next to her at his side, he knew circumstances did not allow such luxury. Again that word luxury. Where was Homer when you needed him?_

_Taking her by the hand he let them back to the safety of the bunks and sleeping workers. Only letting go of her when he knew for sure she was save of prying eyes that lingered between unguarded corners. The men around here were not stupid. Giving into their desires was forbidden. But did that prevent them from doing it? He sure as hell had ignored the ground rules. He was sure the other guys cared just as must about those rules as he'd liked to cross them. So just to be on the save side and against Thera's protesting demands; that she could take care of herself, he went with her until he knew for sure she was safe. _

_

* * *

_

"Thera?"

A familiar voice from behind her caught Sam's attention and she slowly turned around to see Kegan looking at her from a side corridor she'd passed moments before. Having been too lost in thought she hadn't noticed the woman's approach and although she had managed to avoid Kegan ever since she had come back with them and the other workers through the Stargate it seemed avoidance wasn't working out for her today.

"Kegan." She stated.

Her voice sounding flat, even to her. But to be honest she'd never been all that fond of Kegan anyway. Examining the woman's appearance more closely, Sam noted, Kegan was wearing one of the SGC's standard military BDU's. They looked unusual. And although Kegan's appearance had certainly improved, meaning she'd probably had a warm shower and wasn't smelling of sweat and gravel all day long anymore, she still looked out of place and foreign.

"It's Sam." She finally stated, feeling the need to correct the person in front of her.

A confused look graced Kegan's face for a moment.

"Sam?"

"It's my name, Major Samantha Carter."

"That's a mouth full." The woman stated. The hostility in which she had once spoken to Sam, or rather Thera, gone. But to call it friendly would have been an understatement.

"Listen I have a lot of work that needs to be done, did you want to talk about anything specific or are you just here to mock me?"

Kegan's eyes darkened. And Sam knew she had once again stepped on the darker woman's pride. But at the moment she couldn't care less. Her emotions being as they were, already on the verge of breaking, she didn't give a damn about Kegan's feelings.

"This was a bad idea." She heard the woman mutter under her breath and Sam felt she couldn't agree more. An overwhelming feeling of to just walk away, possessed her for a moment but when Kegan's next words cut into the icy atmosphere surrounding them, Sam decided to listen to whatever the ex-worker had to say.

"I wanted to thank you."

Surprised Sam raised an eyebrow and curiously crossed her arms in front of her.

"Thank me? For what?" She coldly replied, giving Kegan the benefit of the doubt.

"For feeling so damn superior. If it hadn't been for you and the others we would still be working down at the underground facility, never knowing the truth. So, I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I appreciate what you did."

Silence enveloped the two women for a moment, as Sam dumbfounded stared at the reluctance in Kegan's eyes. Although the apology had seemed rather strained even forced to the point of utter unwillingness, and besides the fact that the idea had Daniel, written all over it, she had to admit that she admired Kegan's courage.

After all, they both had been arch nemesis from the moment Sam had voiced her ideas about improving the plant. Those ideas had gone way beyond Kegan's simple take of life down under. To be honest if memory served her right, Kegan reminded Sam of the popular kids in her class during her high school years. She'd had the same effect on those people, so Kegan's reluctance hadn't really come as a complete surprise. Even if the memory stamp had prevented her from recalling her high school memories. She'd recognized the feeling. Apparently that had been the only thing the memory stamp hadn't been able to erase. Feelings. She forced down the thought.

"You're welcome." She knew she probably would never really like Kegan and the chance of them meeting again in this life time would be very slim. But she accepted her apologies and she could only hope Kegan could look through her own reluctance for a few moments and she the sincerity in which Sam had spoken. She had meant it.

"Yeah, well pass my apologies along to Jonah if you'd like, me and the other workers are leaving this afternoon. It appears your people have found a suitable world for us to live."

Sam's features suddenly hardened. An act she hoped Kegan hadn't picked up on. Jonah. She hadn't heard the name in a week and although she unsuccessfully had been trying to forgot 'Jonah' ever since they got back. The fact someone still knew what he had represented to her, hit her like a lightning bolt. Kegan had known, Kegan had observed. And like many other workers; Kegan hadn't cared.

"I'll be sure to inform Colonel O'Neill of your apologies." She swallowed down her emotions, genuinely feeling confident Kegan hadn't noticed her little switch in attitude. And as Sam was about to leave the corridor and the uninvited vulnerability that had arisen deep within her a second time that week. Kegan's questioning voice suddenly filled her senses.

"Colonel O'Neill?" She unsurely asked. God, the woman really wasn't the brightest crayon in the can, now was she? Sam observed. Swallowing her bitterness she simply nodded again.

"'Jonah' was merely the personality the Colonel had been stamped with back on P3R-118 His real name is Colonel Jack O'Neill."

"I see." Kegan answered, realization travelling through her features. Yet Sam supposed she was hidding her question about what P3R-118 really was behind a façade of smiles.

"Well, I should go."

Kegan uncomfortable nodded, and pointed toward the corridor behind her.

"See what Karlan is up to."

Sam suppressed the urge to sigh as she nodded her head for what felt like the hundred time that day. And saw Kegan disappear behind a group of SF's heading her way.

"Major, you're needed in the control room, General Hammond's requesting your assistance."

* * *

_He spotted them in a far off corner, w__orking side by side, although Jonah had merely been studying her expression with a longing gaze for some while now. Thera on the other hand seemed to be hypnotised by something Jonah liked to call her newest 'Doohickey' _

"_Jonah, back off." Thera spoke in a semi-serious voice. Masterly hiding her smile, as she pushed his hand away from the device she was studying. _

_They didn't fool him for a second. He'd noticed since the very beginning. He knew how protective he was of her and from the sidelines probably he'd always been. He felt happy for them, although he wasn't sure why they were being so secretive about it toward him. It wasn't like he would tell on them. _

_But then there was the concern of not knowing who they really were. And maybe that was why they kept it a secret from him. Much the same why he'd kept his closeness with Kegan to himself. He wasn't even sure what he and Kegan had. A mutual friendship of some kind? One that sometimes went beyond friendship? Yet he couldn't shake the feeling of sharing a bond with someone else. Someone he'd lost and had loved, still loved, much more than he cared for Kegan. _

_Looking at Jonah and Thera he realized he must have had something similair with someone else. Someone he had lost a long time ago. A memory of a woman and him, glowing eyes, agonizing screams._

_He shook the thoughts from his head. Approaching the couple in front of him. They hadn't noticed him getting closer and he sincerely doubted they would even notice a herd of approaching elephants in their current state of unfaltering stares. _

_He stopped for a moment as he observed how Jonah slowly crept closer to Thera and wickedly enveloped her in an intimate hug.__ She briefly protested against it, but melted in his embrace the moment Jonah dropped his face to her throat. _

_Then he turned around, believing that the rest of the moment his two friends were sharing weren't for his prying eyes to see. He stalked off walking away from the secrets he kept from Brenna, knowing they would do the same in his position. Yet he wondered why, whenever he saw Jonah and Thera together, images of sandstorms and black hair consumed his own thoughts and filled his heart with sadness. _

_

* * *

_

Tic….

Tic….

Tic, tic, tic…

Tic….

"Could you please stop that."

Tic…

Tic, tic, tic…

"Jack!"

"What?"

"Stop that!"

"What?"

"That thing you're doing!" Daniel irritably motioned with his hands to the source of his discomfort.

"Oh,…sorry." looking down at the pen in his hand, Jack realized he'd absentmindedly been tapping it against the briefing room table for the past minute and a half. His team having been cleared for duty two days ago, were all seated around the table, awaiting Hammond's further instructions for their next off world mission.

The air that hang in the room felt thick and weighed heavily on his mind. He hoped Hammond would hurry up and brief them so they could get the hell out of here. And do whatever they were supposed to do on this standard but boring recon mission. Then again, boring was good. He welcomed boring after what he and his team had been through on P3R-118.

He did not dare let his mind linger on the memories, instead he coughed up the guts to glance in his 2IC's direction, something he'd been avoiding doing all morning but knew to be inevitable.

What he saw, slightly worried him. Although Carter was still avoiding his eyes, like she had done all morning. He silently noticed how she tensed under his scrutiny and he knew she had noticed his observant gaze, examining her features. Reminding him that nothing went unnoticed by Sam Carter. Thera had been no different. Always observant, hesitant, thinking every detail through.

But although she had noticed his gaze the rest of her, looked sleep deprived, and if he hadn't known better he probably wouldn't even have noticed the extra lines, worry lines that had appeared on her face and darkened her features. Lines that hadn't been there a week ago and as though the thought burned him he swiftly looked away. Pushing away the memory that a week ago had been so very real. Not anymore. Not ever.

"Good morning, SG-1."

Jack startled out of his reverie as the sudden voice that filled the room cut into the deafening silence. Silence. He inwardly snickered at the thought. How uncommon for the most lively team in the whole of the SGC to be silent. Yet they were. For the past five minutes, since he'd entered the briefing room; Daniel had been engrossed in one of his 'history' books. But the archaeologist had merely seemed to have been staring at the pages, lost in deep thought. The same could be said for Teal'c, but the Jaffa's expression had remained as neutral as always. No emotions flickered across his face as he stonily stared at his hands on the table, making him wonder whether the Jaffa was thinking about something serious or just pondering the fact what kind of desert he should be eating after dinner. Jack guessed it to be the first.

Carter's expression however had been the one that hadn't changed since his arrival. The only inclination he had of making sure she had noticed him enter was, when her features

had noticeably hardened the moment he'd entered the room.

If General Hammond noticed the absent state in which his best team appeared to be in, he didn't let it affect his mood. Instead he sat down, seemingly satisfied as he placed the mug of coffee he was holding on the table beside him and started addressing the people in front of him.

"It's good to see you're all back in good health."

"Well, it's good to be back, sir." Jack nodded putting on a smile for the occasion. Daniel beside him nodded his agreement, but remained silent. Teal'c merely inclined his head once more and Carter,… Carter remained silent. Staring down at the papers in front of her with a far of look in her eyes. It concerned him, it concerned him more than her appearance. He knew Carter, she'd looked like hell before. But she'd never let that affect her ability to do her job, always eager to make a difference. Today her eagerness was gone, replaced by something Jack could only describe as a soldiers defeat.

As Hammond started the briefing and dragged Daniel and Teal'c along with him in the conversation, Jack tried to listen to the words that got idly spoken by the archaeologist, the brief inclinations Teal'c gave and to lighten the mood he, himself threw in a sarcastic remark every now and then. Hoping that Hammond didn't notice he was only listening to half of what the men were saying, the other half of his thoughts lay across the table from him where his eyes got once again drawn to Carter's absentminded appearance. She still hadn't spoken a word. Mesmerized by the briefing table, yet the far off gaze told him she probably didn't even notice she was looking at it and when emotion after emotion flickered across her features he knew exactly where her thoughts lay. Light-years from the briefing.

Suddenly she looked up, startled when she noticed he'd been studying her. She flushed slightly redder when neither she nor he looked away, and although the knowledge that he had such an effect on her used to thrill him to no extent, now made him feel miserable.

Her features hardened and his expression darkened.

The room fell silent.

And both soldiers looked away. Harshly reminded of the reality of the situation, What they once had shared could never be more.


End file.
